The Magician's Assistant
by orangefangirl16
Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant-Youtube and watch it! . Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you ! -Story's not as cheery, I hope, as this summary
1. The Magician's Assistant

Pairing: Thor/Loki

Rating: M (for theme?)

Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant. Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Incest? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you !

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It's my life. It's my body. I should be able to choose what I do with it. It's nobody else's business. Who else would care anyway? My parents? Sure they tell me they love me, I believed it for many years too. But I'm not their child, they lied to me, they don't really love me. My friends? Don't you mean Thor's friends? Thor? Oh, Thor. Dear brother, yes I love you, more than a brother should. But you don't love me. I'm just your plaything, an object to cure your boredom; it's only a matter of time until I'm tossed to the trash.

Why did I choose to do –this-? I'm a master of magic. I could easily cast a spell on myself to end it quicker. Looks like I'm also a lover of pain. This seems much more satisfying. The unique pain that can only be caused this way, it's so calming for some reason. The only down-side is that I have to hide the scars. I'm sure Thor knows, sure that he's seen a few. He gives me these looks, his eyes not being able to comprehend. Poor oaf, I wonder how he'd react if I told him? Not like I ever would. This is my secret, the one that I will take with me to the grave.

That shouldn't be too far from now. The way things have been, I'm starting to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the ground… Father and Mother are disgusted with me; I only frustrate them with everything I do. I only accomplish to further annoy Thor nowadays. That hurts the most. I love him so much; it hurts to have him look at me with that anger in his eyes. Every decision I make, my silly pranks or miscast spells, they all end in disaster and more hatred towards me. I don't belong here anymore. What am I still doing here? I need to get away.

That's when I run to my safe haven. I pick up that piece of metal and do what seems so natural now. I cry. I see the red. I'm sobbing. I wonder if I have the courage to press down harder. I could end it all right here and now. I can't contain my sobs now, they're getting louder and I know someone will hear.

"Loki?" I hear Thor calling from the other side of my bedroom door. I have to make a choice. "Loki?" He's knocking now, and I cry harder. "Are you alright? Open the door!" The knocking gets more desperate, I can't stop crying, and I'm starting to press down harder. "I'm sorry!" I managed to croak that out somehow before I lose my strength and fall to the floor. I see that Thor managed to get inside. He stares for a moment, his expression is unreadable. I'm blacking out now, and he rushes over to me. I can faintly feel him grab onto me. "Loki! Wha-what, why? Someone! Help! Please!" Now he's crying. The great Thor, mighty god of thunder, was crying? For me? If I wasn't so weak I'd actually laugh. "Please be alright, brother, please..." He whispers that, or at least it seemed that way. And then everything is black. No more tears, no more red, no more Thor. There's only this vast nothingness.

The next time I open my eyes, everything is blindingly white. I try to sit up, but regret it immediately. My head spins and refuses to stop. I lie back down and look at the ceiling. Once the spinning stops, I look around a bit. White curtains, white sheets, and…Thor. Sitting next to me, asleep, and his hair disheveled. What a nice sight. What was I doing before this? Oh. That's right… I look down to see my wrist bandaged. I unwrap it and stare at the scar there. There's no more pain, the healers did what they could, but it seems that they couldn't get the scar to go away. I lightly run a finger along the red line on my skin and a chuckle escapes me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't even do –that- right. Am I really that useless that I can't even take my own fucking life? I'm not chuckling anymore, now I'm crying. Sobbing is more like it. I really can't do anything right. I'm forever damned to be a failure. Unloved, unwanted, and lost for all eternity.

"Loki?" My cries must have woken him up. Hearing my name from his lips just make me cry harder. "Brother…it's alright, it will be alright." He holds me then. And I can't do much aside from using his shoulder to cry on. And…he lets me. Thor's arms tighten slightly around me, one hand caressing my hair as gently as he could. I can't help myself from drowning his shirt with my tears.

After most of my tears had fallen, and I was reduced to a hiccupping fool, he pulled back a bit. Sad, electrifyingly (?) blue eyes stared deeply into mine. I couldn't bring myself to look away.

"Brother. Everything will be alright, I will make sure of it, I swear." His voice was soft but determined; I wanted to believe it so much. Now I couldn't stand to look at him, to listen to those sweet lies he was feeding me. He cupped my face in his hands so I'm forced to face him. "Loki." My eyes snap up just in time to watch him close the distance between us. My heart started to race, and I'm sure my eyes widened at some point. "Loki…" Thor whispered as his lips lightly brushed mine.

I stayed frozen, utterly shocked and unable to respond. When Thor backed away, he found tears pooling in my eyes. I could see he was immediately sorry for what he did. "Brother, Loki, I'm sorry, I never meant to cause you more distress, I-" I really did laugh then. It came out weak and pathetic, the tears slowly streaming down my face, and the hints of a smile tugging at my lips.

"Don't be sorry Thor. I'm happy, really; there was nothing more I wanted than to kiss you. I'm…I'm just terribly confused. Rather, I'm in a sorry state of mind at the moment, if you haven't noticed." I gave him a broken smile while lifting my scarred wrist. He looked at me with such a heart-broken face. He grabbed my hand tightly and brought it to his chest. "Loki, I swear. I'll make you happy, so you never feel the need to do this to yourself ever again."

Oh, what determination. What lies. But I couldn't bring myself to mock him like that. I could just give him a smile, small and superficial, but for now it would have to do.


	2. Gone Away

Pairing: Thor/Loki

Rating: M (for theme?)

Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant(link in description). Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Incest? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you !

Chapter 2 – Gone Away

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It's been about a week since the incident. A week of Thor barely leaving my side, save for bathroom breaks. Even then he always seems to find an excuse to never leave me in there for too long. I think he feels responsible for my well being. I wish he didn't feel responsible for my well being.

The scar hasn't gone away either. All of the others scars have started to fade a bit, but that latest one still has that reddish glow to it. I can't stop staring at it, thinking of how I failed that day. Thor stares at it too, when I'm not wearing long sleeves.

It's a weird feeling, having him know. I feel transparent. My deepest secret out in the light for him and the rest of Asgard to see. Because I'm sure father knows, and the maids must gossip about it constantly. I can feel them staring at me when I walk down the hallways. Of course Thor is there to coax them back to work with his glare. Why does he care so much? It just infuriates me even more...

So here I am, trying again to get away from Thor, because, god, I need some alone time! He's a tough one to shake. He knows of all of my hiding spots; we did grow up together after all. But... He doesn't know of the catacombs. It's the one place I've always been able to run away to without any fear of being found. I used to practice my magic there, but I haven't gone since I've started up that cursed habit. I wonder why?

I managed to trick my dear brother into thinking father wanted to have a word with him. So as Thor rushed off, I was left on my own with what seemed like a guard trying, failing, to stalk me in the shadows. Thor would go that far? Getting away from the failed ninja guard was easy enough; I used my magic to veil myself with invisibility as soon as I turned a corner. The guard looked so distraught it was amusing. With the feeling of triumph on my lips, I walked up to the catacombs in peace.

* * *

My little piece of paradise was a cold, stone-tiled room filled with shelves of magic books and desks with unfinished potions on them. It seemed so perfect to me now, seeing as no one was there with me. Alone at last. But what to do now? And how long will I be left alone? I opted to sit in a corner of the room, on the floor, and just think.

I thought of the confused guard I had left standing there; idiotic fool. Of Thor rushing off; stupid oaf. The maids who were whispering about me in the hallway; damn wenches. Thor glaring at them, and seemingly walking closer to me than before; overprotective oaf. Of Thor kissing me for the first time; inconsiderate oaf! The way he held me while I cried; fucking caring oaf... Why is Thor in most of my thoughts? And that's when I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I thought of the moment when I picked up the razor, of when I started seeing the red. I thought of Thor's confused expression when he burst into the room. His frustrated cries, not really knowing what to do with me. I start to cry, not really knowing what to do with myself.

I almost feel bad for him, for having to see me like that. What am I to him? Am I that important that he would be willing to follow me around like a puppy? Huh. Thor really is like a puppy. I couldn't help but laugh at the analogy, though the sound came out distorted from my cries. I must be quite the sight to see; the great prankster Loki, on the floor, crying his eyes out.

I start to think of my parents, rather my foster parents. I don't think I can face them anymore. They would look at me with such disdain and disgust. I can't understand how Thor doesn't. Damn it! There he is again, invading my thoughts. I feel so frustrated with myself, I slam my fist into what I thought would be the wall. Instead it collided with the table I was leaning on, knocking over the various potions on it with a loud crash and spilling them all over me.

I curse and stand up. Then my shoulder starts burning, quickly spreading throughout my whole arm. I realize that the mixture of the spilled potions wasn't a good one. I let out a small cry when the burning intensified to a blinding pain. I struggle with taking my shirt off, finally exposing the skin. It's red, dark red, and still burning. I murmur a quick spell to dull the pain and rush over to a nearby sink. I start to wash my arm, grabbing a cloth and scrubbing my skin -hard-. When I think the burning had stopped, I removed the cloth and looked at my skin.

So not only do I have a scar on my wrist, but now my whole arm is severely burned. I'm so pathetic, I can never do anything right. I look around for medical bandages and find that I only have enough for my shoulder. Fuck, I'd have to go to the hospital wing for more.

After bandaging up my shoulder, I quietly made my way down to the hospital wing. I didn't care much to veil myself with invisibility, but I did try my best to not bump into Thor. Not to mention that I was focusing some magic on dulling the pain from the burns. I was able to get to the hospital wing and bribe a young nurse into giving me more bandages and not mentioning it to my _dear_brother. She seemed unsure, but turned around to grab the bandages nonetheless. When she turned back towards me to hand over my prize, she froze. I gave her a quizzical look, and seeing as how she was refusing to pass me the bandages, I snatched them, grumbling my thanks and whipping around to walk away. Only, instead of walking away, I crashed into a huge figure and nearly fell down.

"Who dares-" I stopped in the middle of my questioning when I looked up and saw Thor towering over me. He did not seem too amused.

"Where have you been, Loki?" his tone was almost...annoyed. Thor was annoyed at my disappearing? Did he not understand that I should be allowed some alone time?

"Oh, nowhere in specific, just wandering the castle a bit. How was father doing?" My response could have done with less sarcasm.

"He was fine, brother, though he did not wish to see me at the moment. Tell me, where did you..." He trailed off when he saw the bandages in my hand. So many emotions flashed across his face, including worry and suspicion. Without another word, he grabbed my, thankfully, unharmed arm and pulled me away, leaving the shocked nurse to worry over her own fate later on.

Despite my protests and promises to follow him if he were to let go, Thor's grip only tightened as he kept dragging me towards his own room. Once there, he pushed me inside and slammed the door closed, making sure to lock it, trapping me inside.

"Now, explain this." He snatched the bandages and held them up for me to see. His tone: not so amused.

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Yay, a cliff hanger~! Sorry for that guys xD Anywho~ Chapter 2 out so quickly ! I usually take –forever- to continue writing a story, haha… But here it is. Sorry if it seems a bit rushed or off, I wrote this at school on my Itouch, a bit out of my element when it comes to writing stories ^_^;;; I got so much positive review on Deviantart, that I decided to just go ahead and write this one. As you can guess, there will, eventually, be a chapter 3~


	3. In This Shirt

Pairing: Thor/Loki  
Rating: M (for theme?)  
Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant. Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Incest? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you !

Ch 3 - In This Shirt

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"Now, explain this." Thor was holding up the bandages I had gotten from the infirmary.

"There's nothing to explain, dear brother. Just a small accident, nothing of interest, really." He didn't need to know how clumsy I was. He doesn't need to think any less of me than he already does.

I made to grab the bandages from him, but he instinctively grabbed my forearm, causing a sharp pain to jolt through me. I cried out and I saw the panic in his eyes. He immediately let go, looking like a child who had just broken his toy.

I pulled my arm back and we both stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to find an escape route, not really wanting to explain; the window looked like a nice alternative. Thor looked as if he were struggling to find the right words. I decided to speak first, maybe I could talk my way out of this.

I coughed to gain his attention and his head snapped up to look at me. "So, brother, if there is nothing more to be said, I'll just be on my way. I do believe father wanted to have a word with me..." I tried to walk around him, but he gently put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. I couldn't help but wince a bit, the action was not missed by Thor, and he removed his hand slowly.

"Loki...What did you do?" His voice dripped with all kinds of worry. I bit my lip as I debated whether or not to just tell him; I only seemed to be bothering him more by holding out. I sighed before lowering my head slightly. "I...spilled some potions on myself and the mixture was not a pleasant one."

I waited for Thor to laugh at me, call me an imbecile, to mock me. His response threw me off, not only because of its contradiction to my expectations, but also because of my unhealthy mind twisting things when it came to Thor.

"Take your shirt off." My eyes widened as my mind inappropriately went to the gutter. Yes, I had feelings for my brother, romantic ones, and yes Thor had kissed me once before, but surely this was going too far if it meant what I feared. (Rather, what he hoped for; though he'd never admit that.)

"What-I mean-Thor, surely you don't mean to...to..." I trailed off, feeling the blood rush to my face. "Yes, I do. I want to see the wounds and bandage you myself." I resisted the urge to rush to the nearest wall and bang my head against it. Stupid stupid stupid! Of course he meant that, it was obvious, only an idiot would assume otherwise. My blush darkened as I slowly peeled off my shirt.

Once that was done, I stood there, shirt still in hand, under the scrutiny of Thor's gaze. He was silently staring at the burns with an almost self-loathing look in his eyes. He cursed under his breath and mumbled something about failing to protect me. Is that what he thinks he has to do? So he did feel responsible for my well-being. Before I could protest and tell him otherwise, he motioned to his bed.

"Go sit. I'm sure I have an ointment for burns here." I trudged over to the bed and sat on the edge, watching Thor scramble through one of his drawers. I started to feel slightly guilty. I was wasting his time; I was being a bother again. "Thor, I'm sure I can handle it on my own, there's no need for you to-" "Found it!" He made his way towards me, the ointment in tow, apparently not having heard my earlier statement. He sat down on the bed next to me and spread some ointment onto his hand.

"Now, it'll be a bit cold, brother..." He gave me an apologetic, not to mention torn, warning smile before slowly setting about the task of covering my arm with the burn treatment. I couldn't help but jump at the coldness and the stinging I felt as he softly spread the lotion over my shoulder. He gave me a worried look and I simply nodded at him to reassure that I was fine. I looked down at my lap, tugging at my pants with my free hand to distract myself from the light stinging, while he continued, eventually making his way to my wrist.

He turned my arm over, so that my palm was facing up, and held my wrist in his hand for a moment. I looked over to Thor, feeling his movements stop, and found him staring at the scar. He lightly ran his thumb across it and my breath hitched. It was uncomfortable, having him touch that horrible reminder of my failure. "Um, Thor, what are you-" "Are you hurt, Loki?" My heartbeat sped up slightly and I tried to pull back, but Thor just held on in a firm but gentle way. I fought down my nervousness and tried to make my voice sound as even as I could. "Of course I'm not hurt, it takes a little more than a small burn to bring down the mighty-" "That's not what I meant."

He looked up to me, his gaze catching mine, eyes searching, looking _into _me. I couldn't bring myself to look away. "Loki…Why do you suffer?" I regrettably scoffed at that. "You would never understand, _Son of Odin_." He looked hurt for a fraction of a second before his eyes flared up. "Is that what this is about? Loki, you know we love you more than" "No, I don't know! I was lied to for so many years! I've always been looked down on, always in the shadows! Always in your shadow…" There was silence while my words hung in the air. "I…I've always loved you Thor. That's what hurt the most. Knowing I…I could never have you, and that I'd never be your equal! Shit…" My words got softer as I went, a tear rolling down my cheek. I yanked my wrist out of his hold, despite the small pain the burns caused, and madly rubbed my tears away. "Um, I must apologize, I have no idea what got over me. I'll just stop wasting your time here, I'm sure you have much urgent matters to attend to." I started to get up, but was surprised to be pushed back down by Thor, who had stood up in a rush. He stood there, his hands gently on my shoulders, until he kneeled down in front of me.

"There is nothing more important. You are not wasting my time." He hadn't looked up at me yet, but he moved his hands from my shoulders to my own hands. "Don't be silly, brother, you have much work to do and I'm simply-" "You are the most important thing to me. You always have been." He did look up then, his eyes burning like never before. It was hard not to believe him, even if just a little. I took in a shaky breath and was about to speak again when Thor moved one hand to cup my face. "Loki. I love you. Don't ever doubt that." I was dumbstruck, and could only muster a pathetic nod before Thor swooped in and took my lips in his. I did kiss back this time, very timidly. He pulled back abruptly when I winced; he had tightened his grip on my burned arm. "Brother! I'm terribly sorry! Let me bandage you up immediately!" I gave him a small smile. I felt happy, not overly gushing with joy, but I felt a bit more at ease.

After bandaging my arm, he handed me one of his own shirts. "Thor, I do have my own shirt here." I gave him a questioning look and he grinned back at me. "Yes, but your shirts are far too tight-fitting, they won't let your arm heal peacefully." He winked at me, and I felt my blush come back. I grumbled my complaints and put his shirt on nonetheless.

"Now come rest, brother, I have this wonderful book I would like to read to you!" He patted the spot next to him on his bed, where he was already laying down. I chuckled quietly and shook my head as I made my way over.

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Bleh .-. That ending was just…never mind ^^;; Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter? I have a feeling it was a bit too 'light', but don't worry, I can fix that in later chapters :D


	4. Flowers For A Ghost

Pairing: Thor/Loki

Rating: M (for theme)

Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant. Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Incest? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you !

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters involved in this story! They all belong to their respective owners!

Ch 4 - Flowers For A Ghost

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Things had finally been looking brighter, or rather, as bright as things could get for me. It had been a few days since the potions incident; nearly two weeks since the last time I brought that blade across my skin... It's hard. I can't help myself from thinking about the sensation it used to give me, that painful relief that I had needed so badly back then. The need was still there, but it was dulled now. I suppose I have Thor to thank for that. He's been so patient with me- even if it does annoy me when he treats me like a delicate flower. But he doesn't allow me to wallow in my thoughts, to be swallowed up by them.

He constantly shows his affection for me, declaring it just as often. He shows no embarrassment when it comes to public displays of said affection, and that should mortify me just a little shouldn't it? We may not be blood brothers, but we were raised as such. The maids still gossip; some shake their heads and others giggle when Thor and I walk by hand in hand. I put on my mask every morning for Thor's sake; I try to pretend that their whispers don't bother me, I stand up straighter and hold his hand tighter. I want to be strong for him, I don't want to give him any reason to leave me, to say goodbye...

Because if Thor leaves, who else is left? Who will comfort me? Who will bring me flowers once this is all over? Ah, there I go again. When will this all be over? Thor won't be here forever. I can't keep him to myself. What will happen to me then? Do I keep struggling on my own? Will I have to find my own release? My release... Will death bring me the peace I hope for? Do I have the courage for that? My head aches with all this thinking. It feels like I'm a ship, and I know I'm sinking... These questions are like a whirlwind, they're carrying me away from Thor, who's walking next to me. He seemed to notice and tugged my hand a bit, snapping me back to reality.

Father had called us both to the throne room. What did he want to talk about? "I'm sure it is nothing, brother." Thor gives me a lazy grin and squeezes my hand for reassurance as we come to the entrance of the throne room. We stand there for a few moments just staring at the door. He must be nervous too, even if he is putting up a strong front, because his hand starts to get a bit sweaty. Or maybe it's my hand? We finally look at each other and I take a deep breath, giving Thor a nod. He kisses my forehead quickly before moving forward into the now opening doors. We approach the throne, our father lounging on it with his hands drumming on the arm rests. He tenses up as soon as he sees our intertwined fingers.

"So the rumors were true. My two sons, the princes of Asgard, are fornicating! Right under my nose! Do you not realize the deep disrespect, the dishonor that this will bring us if it gets out? Two men, two brothers! What you are doing is immoral! Have you no sense of regard for the kingdom, for your mother and myself?" His voice boomed with distaste and anger, making me try to shrink behind Thor. I knew this would come eventually, but I was nowhere near ready for it. I didn't dare look at Thor, and our hands had dropped once our father had started. "And you." He focused his glare at me and I felt my heart speed up involuntarily.

"You have disgraced us yet again, Loki. What were you thinking? Harming yourself? Do you crave attention that badly?" No, no. This can't... "What are you trying to accomplish? Seducing your own brother? Is this another one of your sick pranks?" This can't be happening. I'm starting to feel dizzy, off-balance. "Thor, if you do not give up this foolishness and repent for your actions, I will have no other choice but to bar you from ascending to the throne. This cannot go on! I will not have the next king of Asgard parading around with his brother, driving away possible queens! His brother, who so desperately wants attention, who- Loki! Where do you think you're going?"

I ran. I bolted out of the throne room, running as fast as my legs would take me. Thankfully, seeing as how I have long legs, it was fast. I could just hear Thor yelling something before they were both out of earshot. I kept running until I reached the castle's entrance. Where do I go? I just needed to get away, far away. I ran towards the forest, and before I knew it I had ended up at a familiar spot. It was getting dark, but I could recognize the enormous tree that towered in front of me anywhere. It used to be Thor's favorite climbing tree. I would sit by the trunk and read spell books while he wasted days attempting to climb it. Trying to catch my breath, I plopped down and leaned on the trunk. I hadn't noticed before that there were tears streaming down my face. I let them keep falling freely while my father's words swam around in my head...

A disgrace? Dishonor, disrespect. Immoral. Was I trying to only gain attention? I was being an abomination. I was costing Thor the throne! Only causing problems for him, my parents, and...Asgard? Do I care? Why do I care? I was being troublesome for everyone around me. I can't breathe anymore; I can't keep my sobbing quiet. I should disappear, for good. To make everyone else's life easier. I gasped a quick spell in between my cries to conjure up a razor blade. I gripped it tightly in my fist, not caring that it was cutting into my hand, and I drowned for a moment. I let my emotions loose.

I needed to do this. For Thor if not for myself. He needed to live his life free of me, free of the restrictions and problems I cause him. I opened up my fist and stared at the blade, covered with some of my blood. I needed to feel more. It's dark now, no one will find me, and if they do it'll be too late. I grabbed the blade and set it firmly on my wrist. The same wrist I had tried it on before. I kept thinking of why I was doing this, reminding myself it was for the best. I set myself; I was doing this and nothing will change my mind at this point. So I pushed the blade down, dragging it slowly across my skin, and cut.

I cut and I didn't alleviate the pressure, even with the pain it caused me. I saw the red, running so quickly down my arms onto my clothes and the grass, and it kept coming. There was no stopping the blood, there was so much. Much more than last time, it seemed. Once I finished, I let my hands drop and I felt myself droop against the tree trunk. It was an odd feeling, almost as if I were in some faraway place. I felt disconnected, numb. I vaguely felt the blood still running, and I thought about how much of a mess I was making and that this was going to be troublesome for whoever had to clean this up.

How long would my body be sitting here until it was found? How long before I die? What will it be like? What happens to us after death? Will they mourn me? What would Thor say? Thor. I was doing this for Thor. Will he be sad? Surely he'll move on, he'll be able to live a freer life. He'll be happy in the end. I started blacking out, my vision spotting. "Thor" Was that me? My voice sounded so weak. This must be it. I can't see anymore, I must've closed my eyes somewhere during this. I can't hear anything, I can't feel anything anymore. There's nothing. Just blackness.

Who was I thinking of just now? What was I doing? Too tired to think anymore. I'll just rest for now. I slowly let everything go and let myself be swallowed by that blackness.

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BWUAHAHA- oh. Um, right… *shot*

Anyways, I kinda read it over really quick, and it seems rushed? ): And does it seem short to you? It felt like a lot when I was writing it, but now it feels like a baby OTL Erm, yeah. What did you guys think? Is this a keeper~? Aw, now I'm starting to feel bad about what I did to our dear Loki D; And I made Odin such a dick, in my opinion at least o.o Bad parenting and whatnot~

Thank you to everyone who has been following this story ! Yes, you too, anonymous readers, I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO. Is this the end? What will become of Thor once he finds out? Should I keep writing? ;0 Let me know your thoughts !


	5. The Scientist

Pairing: Thor/Loki

Rating: M (for theme?)

Summary: Loki POV based off ScroobiusPip's The Magician's Assistant. Self-harm, suicidal Loki, Thor to the rescue? Incest? Wanted to try something different, so if this isn't to your liking, sorry this one isn't for you !

Ok, guys, here it is, Chapter 5-The Scientist.

* * *

I can hear voices; they're a bit muffled, but coming into focus.

"-and he's not waking up anytime soon! Thor, give up this foolishness, go get some rest, you've been here for days." Who was that? Sounds like Father...

"Father, I am not leaving his side. He needs me, and I need him as well." Thor's voice sounded tired, as if he's had this conversation many times before. How long have I been out? I try to move my hand up, to tell them not to fight, only to have it held down gently. I slowly open my eyes and stare at the hand holding my own down; it was female. Who? I looked up just enough to see Sif give me a small smile and a wink before she stood up and made her way over to the fighting pair.

"My Lord, if I may so boldly interrupt your, er, conversation..." The All-Father looks over at her and huffs, "Go on, Lady Sif." "I do believe you were scheduled to have dinner with her Majesty, the Queen." That's a lie. Yet Odin's eye widened a fraction and he hurriedly excused himself, not wanting to face the fury of his wife for missing their supposed appointment.

"Did they truly have dinner planned together, Sif?" The warrior simply smirked at Thor's question and strode out of the hospital wing, leaving the blonde to shrug and give a loud yawn.

"They did not; Lady Sif was simply being generous enough to free you of Father's lecture." My voice sounded hoarse, the lack of liquids in my system making itself clear. Thor paused mid-yawn, frozen for only a second before he was rushing to my bedside. He gripped my left hand tightly and stared worriedly into my eyes.

A few moments passed until I cleared my throat, memories of what happened flooding into my mind. "So...how long was I out this time?" I tried to keep my voice light, and very obviously tried to avoid looking at or even moving my right hand, where there would no doubt be an impressive scar. Thor scowled at the question, answering slowly. "Nearly five days... Brother... Do you wish for some water? You must be hungry, as well." As if right on cue, my stomach growled viciously and I couldn't help but frown down at it for making such an unsightly noise. Thor gave a soft smile and headed over to a nearby table that seemed to have food on it, turning his back to me as he put something edible together.

"Lady Sif, why was she here?" As I asked the question, I took the opportunity to flex my right hand a bit. There was no pain, but there was a dull sting as the cut rubbed against seemingly light bandaging. Thor turned back around and handed me a glass of water, sitting down next to my bed as he set the sandwich he had made on the bedside table. I sat up and took the glass with my good hand, gulping down the much welcomed drink. Thor took the glass once I was finished and set it down, looking down at my lap as he fidgeted with his shirt. "Sif was the one that...found you, brother. She was extremely worried and had been keeping me company while I waited for you to awaken."

"Oh," was all I could say. As Thor struggled to find what to say next, I let my gaze finally fall on my wrist. I was right; it was lightly bandaged. I moved to remove them, but Thor stopped me by speaking up. "Loki, you should know before you see... The healers had to... Well, there are stitches and..." I considered the information and gave him a small nod, slowly undoing the wrapping. I started to feel nervous. What would it look like? Do I even want to see the scar left over from yet another failed attempt? I swallowed the rising questions and removed the cloth from my wrist.

And there it was. A visible red cut running across my wrist; holding the cut closed were eight little stitches, sewn tightly into my skin. "I, um, had them use green, since it is your color of choice." Thor was being quite, but looked up and added quickly, "But they can be made transparent with some magic if you wish!" I tentatively ran a finger across the stitches, feeling a light sting every time I came across the skin in between the bumps of green. I looked back to Thor who was watching me worriedly, and I offered him a small smile. "I think I'll keep them green." My smile fell quickly though as I looked back to the scar. "Thor, I... I'm so sorry for.. For being so weak. I don't-" "Loki. Listen to me. You are anything but weak." He held my gaze, his eyes sparking with that stubbornness only he can possess.

"You. Are anything but weak." He nodded to himself, as if confirming his statement, before continuing. "I have never met a person with such a strong heart and mind. You have proven, time and again, your intelligence and incredible skill in magic; no one dare cross you in those areas. You have also shown your capability to feel love and compassion on a level that few can even begin to comprehend. You, brother, are anything but weak." He was nodding again, and sat back with finality. I stopped myself from gawking and settled for staring at him in disbelief. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. Yes, I was confident in my magic, but I had never once been complimented on my...compassion? "But, Thor, I-" My sentence was cut short when Thor leaned forward and placed a hand on the back of my neck, his face leaning in. "Loki. Don't doubt yourself, ever. I will repeat it to you every day, every hour, every minute, if necessary! You are not weak." "But what of Father?" I wasn't even sure what I was asking.

"We shall make him see reason. Together. Remember, you are not in this alone. Loki, I love you, and I wish to be by your side for the rest of eternity. We will get through this." I let his words sink in, and found myself smiling despite all of the negative thoughts floating around in my head. I pushed them back when I received a crooked grin. "Ah! You have a beautiful smile, brother." I didn't even have time to blush before Thor closed the space in between us and kissed me with incredible gentleness. All thoughts were pushed out of mind in that moment, and all I could wrap my mind around was the fact that Thor loved me, scars and all. Something across the lines of 'Maybe everything will be alright' flitted through as well.

-6 weeks later-

"Loki! Were you listening? The prince was finally able to marry the princess!" Thor was pouting in my direction, looking very much like a disappointed child. Well, essentially, he was a child. I looked up from where I had been lightly running a finger across the scar on my right wrist, and offered him an apologetic look disguised as disinterest. "Yes, yes. All of your books end with the prince marrying the princess, do they not?" "Yes...though some include epic battles against dragons!" I was able to suppress my eye roll to a minimum. "Why do you enjoy such stories?" I wasn't really expecting a reply, and I was surprised to hear the response. "Because they allow me to imagine myself as the prince and you as the princess." I wasn't, however, able to close my mouth, which was now hanging wide open. "I am not-!" My argument was interrupted by Thor, who was now grinning into a kiss that could only be known as breathtaking.

It's been a little over a month since the last incident. A month of fighting the urges to cut again. Quitting is not easy. Though Thor has helped me immensely; he is ever patient and distracts me at the right moments. I have been avoiding Father though. I don't feel quite ready to face him yet. And Thor agrees; he wants to take things slow. Surprising, right? Thor? Taking things slow? But it's the truth, nonetheless.

I've been working on other things too. I have become closer to Lady Sif, she is surprisingly good company. Not to mention I enjoy watching her best my brother at combat. I have taken up my potion and magic studies again. It won't do for me to fall behind anyone else. Seeing as how I must teach myself, Thor respects this and I have gained some time to myself. Sometimes my mind wanders, and it's not always for the best. But when it starts treading on dangerous waters, I voluntarily seek out Thor. He's made it quite clear that he is here to help me and that he isn't bothered in the slightest by my insecurities. I always wonder what it was that I did to be allowed to have him.

We've been more open about our relationship recently; though I've let him know that I'm not a fan of public displays of affection. That doesn't stop him from smothering me either way. And I'm okay with that. I've come to love Thor more than ever before. He's helped me through so much and he's willing to keep helping me. I tend to hold him to his word of staying by my side for all of eternity. And that's a thought that I've become oddly familiar with. Eternity. It's a much more believable reality now. I used to await death so eagerly, I sought it and nearly found it twice. But now that I've managed to realize many things, all thanks to Thor. I do believe I owe him for everything and more.

"Thor!" I swat away one of his wandering hands and pretend to scowl at him. He just grins back at me and tries again. I can't help but let out a laugh. I think I might be happy, or very well on my way to be. I might actually be able to make it to eternity. "What was that about eternity, brother?" Did I say that out loud? "Nothing, you handsy oaf!" Thor just shrugs and proceeds to pounce on me, very much like the playful dog he is. I just barely let out a yelp of surprise before my lips are swallowed up again.

Oh, yes, I might enjoy eternity.

* * *

Wow... This is the longest story I've ever written. It's a wonder I even finished it OTL I must apologize for the quality of writing after the 6 week break, I was actually on a plane (a 5 hour trip to California!). So again, sorry for the crappy ending ! We were landing, and seeing as how I'm a nervous flyer, I rushed it OTL I haven't proofed it yet because, really, there's a lot to do over here ! I'm actually in Vegas right now ! Erm, anyway..

Thank you so much for everyone who read, reviewed, followed, favorited this story ! It means so much to me ; A ; You guys are so awesome asdf

It's kinda sad, this is the end "OTL But I'm sure there will be plenty more stories coming from me ;D Don't hesitate to check up on me every now and then ! *shot* Alright, I'm off now, gonna go sight seeing like the tourist I am ! Bye!


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